SONG DUEL!: “Borderline” by Madonna vs. “Borderline” by Camper Van Beethoven

Two songs enter. One song leaves. Well, OK, both leave. It’s not like we erase all traces of the losing song from the Internet, but we determine once and for all which tune has the right to their strikingly similar titles. This is SONG DUEL!

In the long-awaited, long-overdue return of this feature, we make a run for the borderline that pits ’80s mainstream icon vs. ’80s indie icon.

In this corner: “Borderline,” the final single to be released from Madonna‘s blockbuster, self-titled debut album, and a song almost always included in discussions of the Michigan native’s greatest hits.

And in this corner: Seminal alternative rock band Camper Van Beethoven‘s “Borderline” from Key Lime Pie, the final album the group recorded before taking a 10-year hiatus (allowing singer David Lowery to form Cracker), and one of the best examples on the album of the California combo’s trademark mixture of jangle-pop and worldly folk influences.

FIGHT!

Precedence: Initially brought to the recording sessions by producer Reggie Lucas, Madonna’s “Borderline” was on her 1983 debut LP and released as a single in 1984. CVB’s song didn’t bow until 1989. Point: Madonna.

Chart performance: No contest here. “Borderline” was Madonna’s first Top 10 hit and set her on the path to become the top-selling female recording artist of all time. Most people have never heard of CVB (although the band received support from college radio throughout the ’80s and managed to reach No. 1 on Billboard’s Modern Rock chart with another track from Key Lime Pie, a cover of psychedelic classic “Pictures of Matchstick Men“). Point: Madonna.

Critical mass: This is tough. Although Madonna was initially dismissed by many critics as mere pop fluff, her debut has come to be regarded as a standard-setting dance classic, and “Borderline” is the front-runner for its most respected song. Key Lime Pie is likewise considered a classic of its genre—in this case, alternative rock—but many reasonable people think the band’s previous album, Our Beloved Revolutionary Sweetheart, is the true masterpiece. Point: Madonna, by a hair.

Technique: Madge’s voice has never been her strong suit, often regarded as an easily ignored liability to her legacy as a cunning navigator of the shifting tides of pop culture. Not that Lowery’s sneering vocals are a stunning display of proper breath support, either, but the band as a whole sounds tight and appropriately moody. Point: CVB.

Bad-assity: The Material Girl has been many things, but “bad-ass” was not one of them at this point in her career. (Now, a case could be made for her dominatrix phase circa “Human Nature,” but that’s not the issue at hand.) Her “Borderline” is all bubblegum and prancing. CVB’s song, built on a bounding ska rhythm, is melodic and spritely, too, but it has that harsh harmonica and all of Lowery’s attitude behind it. Point: CVB.

Sexitude: Oh, like Madonna’s not going to win any sort of sex contest. Point: Madonna.

Redeeming social value: In hindsight, cultural observers have deemed Madonna’s “Borderline”—and the interracial romance featured in its video—as an opening salvo in her career-long use of feminine sexuality to challenge taboos and gender politics. CVB is basically just singing about being sad in the desert, as far as I can tell. Point: Madonna.

The victor, by a score of 5-2 … MADONNA!