Nitpicking the Hits: Jeremih, 50 Cent bring club culture and rape culture together with “Down on Me”

In this feature, I examine the lyrics to a current Top 10 hit in excruciating detail for no reason other than to mock it—and maybe to encourage better pop songwriting.

The hit: “Down on Me,” a come-on from R&B “singer” Jeremih, whose drawling, Auto-Tuned vocals make him sound like the world’s most lethargic robot—one whose programming doesn’t allow him to be bothered with such human concerns as enunciation or pitch variation. (More like Jere-“meh,” amirite?) He is assisted by the only rapper capable of matching this level of charisma, 50 Cent.

Chart position: The song’s long, 24-week climb up the charts peaked last week at No. 4 on the Billboard Hot 100. This week it got pushed down a spot to No. 5 after Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” (a song I actually like) zipped into the No. 2 position.

The general idea: Jeremih has spotted a pretty girl on the dance floor and intends to win her favor by dancing with her in a dirty, freaky manner.

LET’S NITPICK THIS SUCKER

She want it, I can tell she want it
Want me to push up on it ‘fore she know when I’m all on it

Oh boy, it’s one of those songs: the sexual assault jam. “Girl,” Fi’ty seems to be saying, “don’t even pretend like you don’t want me to rub my junk against you.” Songs that tap into this ugly sentiment—reinforcing the notion that unwanted sexual advances are justified if the woman is “asking for it” by dressing or dancing too provocatively—are becoming distressingly common and popular. I bet you $5 that, at some point in this song, Jeremih will reveal his plan to get this conquest wasted so that he can have sex with her.

OK she headed to the dance floor and she slowly start to poppin’ it
Something like my wrist [incomprehensible] everybody got to watching it

Ha ha, I love it. Jeremih so thoroughly mumbles his way through this line that whoever transcribed this version of the lyrics threw up his or her hands and declared the words impossible to comprehend. Whatever it is, it’s only one syllable long, and everyone seems to agree that “wrist” precedes it. This site thinks the mystery word is “piece,” which would work as a play on words only if it was common knowledge that Jeremih has a watch that makes some sort of popping noise. This video thinks it’s “’cause,” which is just hilarious. I’m picturing everybody in the club mesmerized by Jeremih’s wrist.

Girl, you got that secret treasure, I’m gonna put a lock on it

Is he talking about chastity belts?

Let’s go and take nine shots, we’ll just call it 50

I understand the reference to how Fi’ty nearly died trying, but NINE SHOTS??? Let’s just call it a guaranteed blackout. (Also, you owe me $5.)

And I’m gonna lick it, lick it, lick it
‘Til her hicky have her river running

Hicky? What are we, in eight grade? How about it, girls? Do hickeys turn you on? Also, several lyrics sites seem to think the line is “have her Rev running,” but as much as I’d prefer to believe Jeremih threw in a reference to Run-D.M.C.’s Joseph Simmons, I’m pretty sure he’s talking about vaginal secretions.

Oh, you look so sweet, what you work in Paris?
Look at your physique, girl, you are a beauty

Another disputed lyric. “Paris” is the consensus, but “Ballys” (as the folks who brought you “wrist piece” posit) makes more sense.

We’ll buy another round and it’s all on me
As long as I’m around put it down on me
Just put it down on me
Put it down on me

Ah! Jeremih is simply offering to let this girl continue to put drinks on his tab. How considerate! When I saw the title to this song, I assumed it was going to be about oral sex. I guess I misjudged the gentleman.

Girl, all I really want is you down on me

Um, never mind.

I got her, I won’t let her go
I ain’t seen nothing better, yo

Oh, Fi’ty. What a sweet talker you are! “Girl, I’ve looked around, and it looks like you are as good as it’s gonna get in this club tonight.”

Make me wanna hit it, hit it
Heaven when I’m in it, in it
If I do not fit, I’m gonna make it
Girl, you can take it

Wha? Oh. Oh no. This is what it’s come to? Just blatantly rapping about forcing his penis in? Oh dear. I never thought I’d be longing for the days of the enlightened sexual discourse of “Too Close,” but here we are.

Ugh, I feel gross. Do me a favor and visit one of these organizations devoted to preventing sexual assault and educating the public about the issue and its causes.

• Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
• National Sexual Violence Resource Center
• Men Stopping Violence